Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Who, Me? Shallow?

In my infinite shallowness*, I fantasize about:
1.       Laser hair removal. On my face, oh noooooo! The female heartbreak of unwanted facial hair.
2.       Laser eye surgery. It would be lovely to see clearly again, but I’m way too chicken, even if I had the extra $$$. Yet, I still dream.
3.       The upper arms I had in my 20s and 30s. Can you believe it? I thought I was fat back then. Bwah-
ha-ha-ha! Snort.
4.       A personal trainer/nutritionist named Sergio. He is very nice to me and whips me into shape. People! Get your minds out of the gutter. J
5.       A live-in personal chef, like Oprah has. Her name is Gi-Gi, I pay her very well and love every morsel she cooks for me. She cleans up the kitchen after herself, too.
6.       When my buddy Oprah comes over, we laugh about back in the day. 
7.       Then Gi-Gi passes a tray of truffle puffs with sparkling glasses of award-winning wine. That Oprah! I have to watch her or she’ll get tipsy.
8.       Nablopomo ending not with a whimper, but a bang. Do I have anything left to close out the month? Sadly, by next year I will have forgotten the agony and will say, “Oh, that was so fun last year! Sign me up again, Blogher!”
* apologies to Jane in Her Infinite Wisdom



  1. HAHAHA! Oh my! I think I wrote this list...well, OK, except for #6 lol.

    And #1 is not shallow. Unwanted facial hair removal is (or should be) emerging as the greatest charity organization of all time.

  2. LOL! It sounds like the perfect list! Does that make me shallow?

  3. Jane-- why does health insurance not cover laser hair removal? Clearly this is a priority for women's mental well-being. And #6 was incredibly sarcastic and in poor taste on my part!:-)
    Nablopomo brain.

    Belle-- you are not shallow by any stretch of the imagination, I regret to inform you!
    Thanks for stopping by, my sweets!

  4. My favorites are #1 & #5. And as much as I love cooking, I think I like the idea of being served a perfect meal every time! That's the life to live!

    I do want to congratulate you, Melanie, on making it this far. I thought about signing up for NaBloPoMo, but that was when I realized I needed a brake from blogging. And have you noticed just how many blogs we read now? So many many many new friends. :) Sigh!


  5. You forgot to include a personal driver. With a spotless driving record. Who will take you anywhere you want to go, while you happily blog (or whatever) in the roomy, well-appointed back seat. Even in the winter time.

    Maybe I do too much driving.

  6. Oh, honey. Do I KNOW about the unwanted facial hair and the desire/terror of laser eye surgery. I would love to be able to get out of bed in the morning and just see – without contacts or glasses or seeing-eye-children. But I'm also terrified of letting someone use a laser on my eyes. And paying for it. I would also like some permanent facial hair removal, and a personal trainer who motivates me by keeping his hotness just tantalizingly out of reach. Maybe I could call him Miguel....
    Happy NaBloPoMo, Melanie! You did it! Woot!