Last night, in despair, I started a letter to Menopause. I told her exactly what I thought of her, and why. It felt great to let off some steam, but the letter was morbid and whiney. Scratch that. Time for plan B.
I’m forming a girl gang. I’m pretty sure I know a few blogging bombshells who’ll join the posse. Our cause: murder Menopause.
I’m ready to rumble instead of mumble.
You’ve been our foe, sapping our mojo, hurting us high and low and now you’re gonna get a body blow. The day of reckoning is here, Miss Thang. Better look out for our gang.
We got the eye of the tiger, my mob squad and me. Time is short, you better flee. This is how it’ll be. You, face down on the mat, splat. We ain’t taking it no more, daughter of a cur. Your life gonna pass your eyes in a blur.
Menopause, look over your shoulder. Be best for you to crawl under a boulder. One night, we’re going to catch you, you crone. Mayhem-ugly-tragic for you alone. We’re going to have the last laugh, the best laugh, the laugh that makes you frown. You hear that bell? Yeah, well, we’re taking your crown.
We’re packing heat, and Menopause, you’re going down.
There now, I feel better already. Anyone for a black cohosh tea?
Are you ready to join the Mob Against Menopause? Please sign below.
May I open up a chapter of Men Against Menopause? All of that heat that kept knocking Annie for a loop, had me wearing woolies and a hoodie for about three years there, with all of the open windows and circulating arctic air.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I missed "Subversive Children's Books yesterday, so I just wanted to mention that I left an interesting anecdote for your enjoyment. You wanted a subversive example, and I happily provided one. The story would make a fabulous novel.
Certainly you may open the men's chapter. I can only imagine the male perspective-- where did my woman go and who is this alien in her body? We've had the house so cool this winter it has been noticeable on the power bill. That's about the only benefit I've noticed!
ReplyDeleteGoing to check out your subversive anecdote!
I will jump up and down and and say I have managed to beat that bitch already - but, as heretical as this might be to many, I am doing it courtesy of meds. YUP. You got that right. After doing all the black cohash and other alternative things, I got out the big guns. My best friends for some years now have been the combo of meds I take under the umbrella of HRT. I do not have a family history of either breast cancer or heart disease (and I suspect I am leaving this life via a bike accident anyway), so I make my life more comfortable with that assistance. To each her own, heh?
ReplyDeleteI'm doing the HRT too, but still carry a grudge. If not for the drugs, I'd be in a padded cell, no lie. One of my aunts back in the 1950s had such a bad menopause that they did Shock Therapy on her. The therapy was so awful back then that she was never the same. So as bad as it gets for me, I am thankful that we do have some treatments that help enough to keep me functioning.
ReplyDeleteThe Redneck Princess wrote her own funny letter to menopause a while back:
http://www.theredneckprincess.net/2011/08/09/dear-menopause-we-need-to-talk/
Menopause hasn't come to my house yet, but she's been sniffing around the neighborhood. Maybe a preemptive strike is in order?
ReplyDeleteYes, I checked with the War department and they recommend a preemptive strike. I ordered us an extra large Humvee, so we're ready to roll over Menopause.
DeleteLike Masked Mom, that bitch-in-heat has been sniffing around this 'hood too. Gah!
ReplyDeleteIf you ever get the chance to go see Menopause the Musical (http://www.gfourproductions.com/MTM.asp), DO IT! You will laugh until the tears stream down your face and create a puddle at your feet.
I have seen clips of it, but I'm ready for more in light of recent events. Laughs = good where menopause is concerned.
ReplyDeleteIs it that Mischievous Menopause that is cranking up the heat in my body? That is the only 'symptom' I have...oh wait, no it isn't. Alas, for moi, I don't know if it wench of witch or if it is my lack of thyroid....but I gots ta tell ya, it sucks arse, big time! So sign me up as I'm sure the personal summers are on their way right quick like!
ReplyDeleteWe're making you a Captain with your own band of zombies trained against menopause. May you lead them well, young warrior.
DeleteMenopause has me in its grip again, Melanie. The things I am feeling I don't even want to begin to tell. Sigh! But I like what you say, "We’re packing heat, and Menopause, you’re going down." AMEN to that, sistah! There, I think I feel better now too. :)
ReplyDeleteI really needed a heavy dose of Melanie today!
BIG hugs, querida Amiga!
~Virginia
And I needed Virginia-- so glad to see you stopped by. Menopause has me by the throat this week, but the girl gang will take care of that. Hugs back and hope we both feel better SOON. OR ELSE.:)
DeleteI love this! I think you need to form a band with Virginia! This could be your number one hit song!
ReplyDelete