Sunday, February 5, 2012

Breaking Bad

I’ve been entirely too good lately.

It’s partly this whole teacher gig, the good wife and good daughter roles, the Miss Nicey-Nice to the point of gagging persona I seem to have unthinkingly branded myself with. I mean, I am mostly nice, but that’s not all there is to me.

What can I do that’s somewhat bad, risky, or at least a bit out of character, but not (totally) illegal?

Buy and wear a black leather miniskirt. The legs are still pretty good, especially camouflaged in tights. Do they make leather minis in a size 12 with an elastic waist?

Try some F-me high heeled pumps? Nah, I’d fall and give myself a concussion. I did see a pair of teal suede platform ones at Belk’s Department store tonight. They were so high I’d need an oxygen mask.

See if my local bailbonds-woman needs some help with FTA’s (Failure to Appears)? Thanks to HomeReared Chef and Victoria’s View, I’m addicted to Janet Evanovich’s book series about Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter (the movie just came out with Katherine Heigel as Stephanie). Besides, I’m just dying to have pink handcuffs like BadLuck Detective.

Go to ladies’ night at Shooter’s World, our local indoor shooting range. Ba-bang, bang, bang. I’ll post the video of my superior marksmanship. Just need to get my bifocal scrip updated a bit first.

Book a trip to my local zip-line excursion park. They zip you through the trees and over a waterfall. You won’t catch me skydiving, but I’m ready for the zip line. No, really. Want to come with me?

Go skinny dipping again. It’s been way too long. Need to find a heated pool. Cold water makes my heart feel like it’s going to stop.  

Order appetizer AND dessert for once. 

Learn to cuss more proficiently in Spanish.

Sing karaoke of my several of my favorite torch songs, while wearing sequins. Lots of sequins, and reclining across the top of a baby grand piano.  Or maybe I’ll lip-sync to Greg Allman’s I’m No Angel

Or ZZ top, I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide?

Cause I ain’t no angel, y’all. And I could take this nationwide.

What do you do when you break bad?


  1. I don't do skirts, I don't shoot and I can't zip-line, but I make up for it all in the second-to-the-last on your list. I can cuss a maroon streak in Spanish, something I used to do once per quarter, for the benefit of my middle-schoolers, not that they needed any help cussing. They just did it in English.

  2. I'm jealous! I know a few of the words, but don't have a good handle on how to put them together effectively. A few family members are native speakers, but I don't think they'd be willing to tutor me. Perhaps you could work up a "must know" list of phrases? Just kidding-- I'm sure you are glad your worksheet days are OVER!

  3. I am sooooooooooooooooooo with you! I hanker for some of that pre-marriage crazy times (I know I got all responsible once the marriage band went on and the babies showed up - WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA) --
    I do boots for that kick ass feeling - that puts some spring in my step. I have gone zip lining - went on day long zip line challenge in Hawaii one year. Truth be told, after the first time, it was rather ho hum . I would go skydiving in a heartbeat - but I would rather have some company (and it is an expensive proposition). Skinny dipping is fun fun fun but I am also adverse to the cold water. I experimented with way too many illegal substances at one point in my life but am over that (I was stupid back then). I have recently taking to having both wine and appetizer at dinner when we go out - wine is critical, appetizer becomes my in lieu dessert.
    Sequns? Kareoke? sequins are fun , but not so much singing --
    oh, I know, I can go and pretend to be a biker chick!

    1. Ha-ha you are way ahead of me on so many of these! Biker chick sounds great-- let's go shopping at the Harley store. We may have to check Ebay for some vintage items, but I think we can pull it off. :) We are BAD!

      (I was going to title this Boring Broad Breaks Bad, but I didn't want to seem like I was totally dissing myself.)

  4. OMGOSH I want you to go with the leather mini!!

  5. I have to laugh because the ad that Google added below (I guess they go off blog content) is a pair of rhinestone encrusted pumps. I'm terrified to shop for a mini, but I already have black tights... maybe if I drag a friend along for moral support... but how would she keep from laughing her butt off? :)

  6. I'm gonna stick my gum under a table, then take a sharpie to the bathroom stall...I'm gonna write a poem with every expletive I can think of, then make up a few new ones. I might even write a naughty story about very bendy people in very public places, who have no fear. And I'll do it while sitting in front of my computer...NEKKID...on meter reading day...with the curtains open. Yeah...that's what I'mmagonnado. >;-)

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  8. Well then. I greatly enjoyed the way you started with gum and progressed to nekkidness. It's important to prioritize.
    Let's be bad, nationwide. :)

  9. Oooo! I need a Break Bad day! I will...I will...I'll CROSS THE STREET WITHOUT LOOKING BOTH WAYS! And I WILL step on a crack. And I will refuse to floss. And I will eat a pint of ice cream for supper.

    There. That oughta do it.

    But I'd rather watch alienbody's day unfold *laughing*.