Monday, February 27, 2012

Disappearing Acts...

Did you wonder where I went for a week?

There I was, Nablopomoing along with daily posts, and then I dropped out of sight. Thanks for noticing, if you did. Although with all the fine bloggers out there Nablopoming to the max, we didn’t lack for quality blogs to read.

Please know that I have continued to read your blogs, even if I didn’t post. I was out there, lurking. I probably didn’t even comment on your awesomeness, because the best I could come up with “It was good. I liked it.” I didn’t want you wondering if I’d had a lobotomy, so I said nothing, even though it was good, and I did like it!

Where did I go? What happened? The answer is: I don’t know.

I was blue, grumpy, headachy, tired, blue, grumpy… you get the idea. No one around here offered to grade the five stacks of student papers and projects on my desk. More and more papers came in as the days passed. Who assigned all this crapola—I mean these fine instructional devices to challenge and enhance student engagement?

Overwhelmed is the term that applies to what happened to me. A blogging quagmire resulted. I began posts, and quit in mid-sentence. Blogging so much was suddenly too much, and I really try not to overly whine, sniffle, and moan in my posts (unless there’s a chance it may be mildly amusing).

Fighting guilt over all the horrible defects in my character, I rolled up in a ball under the covers with an icepack on my head for a couple of days, maybe more. Menopause can take some of the blame, a smidge of seasonal depression kicked in, and yes, I may have to share some of the responsibility for yearning so hard for things I can’t have. Not thingy-things, but things like peace, serenity, joy, fun, those things. (I forbid my students to use the word “things,” just FYI.)

Another item at the top of the “things I want” list: an out-of-town vacation, even if it is only somewhere two hours away. Anywhere would do, really. Overnight would be great, a weekend would really rock my world. Don’t know when this might happen, but I’m going to try my best to bring it about.

But until then, I’m back in the blogging fold. I never really left, y’all. Thanks for not giving up on me!


  1. Melanie (I still have that urge to call you Mel, that I wrote about in the Fine-Line Salon piece, or was it the Fine-Line Saloon piece?) In either case, I did ask where you were after your last visit to my site, but-and it's a big but-a person has the right to feel lousy and pass on the blogging scene for a moment, or an hour, or a week, if she chooses, without having to explain herself. I'm glad you are back. And if that last stack of student "fine instructional devices" happens to fall in the fish tank, know that the students would probably be able to cope.

    1. Please feel free to call me Mel as my pals and family do, Mark! You are so right-- the students have all their other classes to worry about, and are a little curious about their paper grades, but they won't keel over if it takes me another couple of days to get them done.
      I'm sure you can relate to my exasperation that I take the time to make creative suggestions only to have many students glance at the grade and toss the paper aside without reading all my careful comments. Grrr.
      Thanks for your kind words and support. I'll be over to your blog soon and may even say, "It was good. I liked it!' :)

  2. I wondered where you were Melanie, but I, too, have been drowning in depression. I know you noticed that around the 17th or so, though I'd been blogging everyday for February's NaBloPoMo, I did disappear for about 5 days. My husband is the one that has pushed me to finish out the month. I just wanted to go and drown myself in a bottle of champagne, and then a bottle of red wine, and then maybe a couple of shots of brandy.

    I am sorry that I feel I wasn't there for you. I haven't even been here for me. But blogging saves me, even though it has been a challenge to type the words down. I would love to sit and chat with you, over coffee or tea and poundcake. I feel awful unburdening always on my hubby. He has been a saint. :)

    I am so very glad that you are back. When I saw you'd left a comment on my recent menopausal blog I was THRILLED! Now I come to read your post and I am balling all over again. I think we understand each other, and what we are going through.

    Much love and lots of squishy hugs, Querida Amiga!

  3. Hi sweet Virginia,
    I think both of us thought we might be through the worst of this, but alas, not yet, I guess. I even had the thought a couple of weeks ago,"Gee, I'm doing so much better than I was this time last year!" Then boom. It was like a curtain came down on my mood, out of nowhere.
    We'll stick together, that's all we can do. I know we have scared the younger girls half to death!
    I'm going to email you soon! Big hugs back!

    1. Well that was the kiss of death right there! *laughing* That has to be a Murphy's Law, doesn't it? I was just thinking about you at lunch and had planned to e-mail you tonight. Clearly, I didn't see this post until now. I'm glad you're alright and glad you took some time out. Hugs and hugs and hugs!

    2. LOL! Actually, if you read some of the comments on my last menopausal blog I think a few of the younger ones are a little frightened, and preparing now! :)

      And what a DANG situation. Just like you, just when I thought I was feeling SOOO good, and really believed it was finally all over, PAZANG came another wave. Sigh!

      I will e-mail you again soon too. BIG hugs again!

  4. I missed you, Melanie but then again I seem to primarily only find the time and energy on the weekends to write so I am in awe of anyone who works and writes daily. I also 1,000% get the whole menopausal thing (and I'm with Nini above - give me the red wine or a few shots of tequila - forget the champagne - too classy for this crazy woman). I also suspect you know that I understand grumpy, cranky, overwhelmed but not in a position to let the real world know that. Keep that mask on in public.

    1. OH, YES. The mask gets exhausting to wear at times, and I wonder if it really hides the growling bear that is the inner me?!
      Thanks so much for a few understanding words, and feel free to vent to me any time!
      Tequila would send my bear on a rampage, fo' so'. :)

  5. Sometimes we have to drop into a gutter of our own making so there's a challenge to climb out. Glad you found your ladder.

  6. Well said, Gaelyn! Hope the ladder holds! I'll come over to your blog and escape for a bit. :)

  7. I think you made a very wise decision in taking a little break. Blogging daily has become something of a sick compulsion for me--I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself really--and there are many days that I feel that I would've been better off not saying anything than putting another whiny and/or substanceless post out there. But, so far, can't seem to help myself. Glad you're back! :)

  8. I most certainly notice when you are 'gone'. You were missed, fo'shizzle! I think there is something in the air, because I'm in a blogging funk. I'm not feeling it, ideas aren't coming and I'm really starting to see the limitations of...meh...nevermind. I've also been a terrible commenter...I'm just now catching up on blogs and trying to make sure my favorite bloggy peeps get some comment love. Hugs!!