When menopausal women dream…
1.
Donuts are a health food.
2.
Reubenesque figures are the height of hot.
3.
Employers fight over women aged 50+, offering
bonuses on a sliding scale for chicks with the most gray hair.
4.
Young women dye their hair gray because it’s
sexy, fashionable, and gets them faster promotions at work.
5.
Broken capillaries, age spots, wrinkles, and
varicose veins become so desirable that younger people draw them on with makeup. Some have them tattooed on for that extra-sexy flair.
6.
Men attend mandatory “how to make menopausal
women happy classes.” Those who earn less than a B average face exile to Mars.
7.
Washington insiders have many menopausal women
on hotlines and take our sage advice on important legislative matters.
8.
Men get manopause. Suddenly, manopause and menopause are made grounds for two years of paid vacation leave.
9.
One week a year is set aside as Menopausal Appreciation
Week. Women of menopausal age are feted, fed, and pampered. Respect, admiration, even jealousy are shown to the women lucky enough to be in this highly anticipated Passage.
10.
Uttering the phrase “Damn, you’re moody!” is
punishable by six months of community service to the menopausal community.
While wearing a sackcloth and ashes.
Oops, this blog post has come up in html.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed it anyway.
Thanks, JAVS!
DeleteAnd sleep is not elusive!
ReplyDeleteAin't that the truth... hard to "dream" without sleep!
Deleteand fashion gurus promote lose, comfortable clothing as the most sought after look!
ReplyDeleteAmen. I'm seeing some looser tunics this year, but those "skinny" pants! One female in 100 looks good in them, IMO. Cotton spandex is my friend, lol.
DeleteAwesomeness! I personally vote in favour of your "Damn you're moody" provision. Some might suggest I get that way when I'm overtired and MARGINALLY hormonal. Some should know better than to say so. But he will learn.... *maniacal laugh* He will learn!
ReplyDeleteHa-ha, my poor hubby has learned to hold his tongue for the most part, but he does have a look he gives me that hints I may have crossed a line, lol. I have many virtues, but a steady mood is NOT one of them these days (with PMS always imminent, so sure it ever was).
DeleteSounds like heaven! I am perimenopausal, but it won't be long. Guess I better start warning my husband of proper dialogue now.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Never too early to begin the menopause survival awareness instruction, lol.
DeleteLove this list, but I especially like number 1: Donuts are a health food. I've been craving donuts for weeks now. Sigh!
ReplyDeleteIf you can believe this, after reading this post, I just got a great idea for a dessert recipe (it will NOT include donuts though. lol!). Will share with you later!
Much HUGS, Amiga...
If I inspired a dessert recipe, my work here is done, lol.
DeleteI baked a cake last night from scratch for the first time in ages -- Double Rich Sour Cream Coffeecake-- it was good, but Entenmann's is good and WAY easier!
Will look forward to hearing about your recipe! Hugs and hugs!
I am printing this to post on my wall!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Holly-- glad I found your blog today!
DeleteSide note...how's the book (Menopause, an Orgasm, and a Bowl of Spicy Chili!) coming along? I GOTTA read this book :-)
ReplyDeleteHolly
We have an evolving manuscript, and are looking for an agent. If no one shows an interest, we may self-publish. Thanks so much for asking!
DeleteMy fave is #3, but they're all great!
ReplyDeleteHa-- if that one was a reality, I would be a rich woman and could have stopped dyeing my hair years ago!
Delete#1, for sure...as long as it includes apple fritters, because they have fruit so...HEALTHY! It's a cruel twist of fate that I can't eat them anymore.
ReplyDeleteOMG...snorted my whiskey out of my nose reading this! IT BUUUURRRRNNNNNSSSS, but I'm soothed by the giggling as I re-read this list!
ReplyDeleteIs there a class I can sign my husband up for? I would rather prepare him now than latter. It takes him a while to get use to change ;)
ReplyDeleteIs there a class I can sign my husband up for? I would prefer to have him prepared for sooner than later. He does not do well with change ;)
ReplyDelete