When menopausal women dream…
1. Donuts are a health food.
2. Reubenesque figures are the height of hot.
3. Employers fight over women aged 50+, offering bonuses on a sliding scale for chicks with the most gray hair.
4. Young women dye their hair gray because it’s sexy, fashionable, and gets them faster promotions at work.
5. Broken capillaries, age spots, wrinkles, and varicose veins become so desirable that younger people draw them on with makeup. Some have them tattooed on for that extra-sexy flair.
6. Men attend mandatory “how to make menopausal women happy classes.” Those who earn less than a B average face exile to Mars.
7. Washington insiders have many menopausal women on hotlines and take our sage advice on important legislative matters.
8. Men get manopause. Suddenly, manopause and menopause are made grounds for two years of paid vacation leave.
9. One week a year is set aside as Menopausal Appreciation Week. Women of menopausal age are feted, fed, and pampered. Respect, admiration, even jealousy are shown to the women lucky enough to be in this highly anticipated Passage.
10. Uttering the phrase “Damn, you’re moody!” is punishable by six months of community service to the menopausal community. While wearing a sackcloth and ashes.