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Thursday, March 1, 2012

I (Kind-of) Hate Clothes

No, this is not a post where I announce I have become a nudist. Rest easy.

It's about someone who spooks me.

I’m not afraid of many things, not really. I do worry and obsess about this and that, but real fear and trembling, thankfully, no.

But I am deeply afraid of a woman of my acquaintance.

This is why: on Sunday evenings, she chooses all the clothes she will wear for the coming work week. She arranges them, cleaned and pressed, hanging in order, on the back of her closet door. She chooses shoes, jewelry, scarves, barrettes, and other accessories to complement each outfit. I haven’t asked her about her undergarments, but she probably has those picked out and color coordinated with each day’s clothing choices. All she need do each morning is pull the prepared outfit and dress.

This is terrifying to me on so many levels.

Over the last twenty years (who thought I would ever live long enough to make such a statement?), my interest in fashion has waned. I don’t hold it against anyone who follows clothing styles and dresses trendily; it just doesn’t float my boat anymore. For my work as a teacher, I need to be presentable, but as one fashion forward young student told me, “No one cares what an English teacher wears.”

She got bonus points for rhyming. And I agree with her for the most part. My memory is shaky, and I do occasionally wonder if I have repeated an outfit in the same week, but I figure my students have too many other things to worry about. Honestly, they could care less if Mrs. B. wears the same outfit on Friday that she wore on Monday, and it’s extremely unlikely they would even notice!

An annoying development lately has been that I have trouble pulling my separates together to dress for work. (For some reason I never wear dresses to work, so I always have to put a top with a bottom.) I remember back to my own college student days, and one professor who always wore khaki pants and a nicely ironed, colored, button down shirt (he had an excellent shirt-laundry). Some of the other students commented on his lack of imagination, but I admired him for making a choice and sticking with it! Would his teaching have been more effective if he threw some navy or black pants into the mix? Oh, please.

Part of my dilemma in dressing each morning is my demand for comfort. With my menopausal madness, I can’t stand anything that’s binding, itchy, or too heavy. Some days I can’t bear the thought of wearing certain dark colors, other days I dress in black from head to toe, trying to maintain a cloak of invisibility. This morning I made immediate progress choosing black pants, but tried three or four tops on. I was disgusted with myself, and having flashbacks to my teen years, when clothing mattered to me and I had similarly indecisive mornings.

With the temperature forecast to possibly reach 80 degrees today, my big concern was finding a couple of comfy layers that would not suffocate me. Should this decision really be so difficult? No. But difficulty making decisions is one more crackpot menopausal symptom. Finally I settled on a sleeveless teal shell covered with a cotton-knit cardigan—in leopard print! Woo-hoo, and I was out the door.

I will never be the lady who picks out all her clothes on Sunday night and carefully hangs them on the back of the closet door. I never want to be that organized. The thought of it chokes me. I want to run, screaming.

If you are that pulled-together fashion-wise, please never, never tell me. Or I’ll be terrified of you, too.

17 comments:

  1. Always takes me a while to put my "outfit" together. I think jewelry first then go for clothes.

    In summer, much easier. Pull the next uniform off the hanger, and then choose jewelry. I never thought I'd enjoy wearing a uniform but it's a great no brainer. Hope that doesn't freak you out too much.

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  2. No, not freaking me out... uniforms do have advantages. I had playfully toyed with the idea of wearing scrubs as my "uniform" to work... I do teach some allied health and nursing students, even if my subject is English. :) Somehow, I think they'd for sure haul me off to the loony bin.
    That's an idea, though, start with jewelry. I'll try that to break my indecision!

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  3. This is oh, so familiar! I am lucky in that I have this 24 year old daughter who IS fashion forward. When I am lucky, I can get her to do just what you described. She will select my outfits for the full week, including shoes and jewelry (no undies but nothing matches in that department anyway). She will line them up on the staircase for me. This is great for two reasons: 1) I don't' have to think about what I am going to wear on any given day and she makes it so that I feel as fashion forward as one could be with my wardrobe and 2) it is a handy way to watch the week disappear into the next weekend.
    I absolutely like to dress for comfort but the daughter makes sure I am not too frumpy - no elastic waistbands or hoodies at work. I MUCH prefer the spring, summer, and early fall months for clothing. You can wear less and feel less encumbered by clothing. I like the summer colors better too! and flip flops! If only I had the 20 year old body that I used to have but, hell, everything changes. Just don't look in the mirror (only the mirror in your memory).

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    1. Oh, yes, about the mirror. I'm not one to moan overmuch about the body I used to have, but still, when I catch myself reflected in a glass storefront, I think "who the heck is that woman?"

      Oh-- have you seen the blog about the older women who dress, well, dramatically? I love to see women who really go for it. Must do a post about the women on that blog one of these days.
      http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/

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  4. Just this morning, I started to get dressed and wondered if I'd already worn the sweater I put on this week. I dress for comfort too and my wardrobe certainly reflects it.

    You won't hear anything fiercely frightening from me regarding fashion. Unless you have a fear of comfy pants.

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  5. So glad to hear. Wonder if there is a word for "a fear of organized clothing-choosing-women."
    Comfy pants is my middle name. Dresses look so cute on other people, but I gag when I see myself in one!

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  6. On the weekdays, I set out the next day's clothes before I go to bed, but only because the alarm goes off at o'dark-thirty and I usually drag my fanny out of bed when I know that if I expect to get a shower, I can't lay there even one more minute. It's really handy to be able to just grab and go.

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    1. This sounds quite reasonable. At least you can take the next day's weather forecast into account! The week ahead lady doesn't have that option... she's told me so... I am so afraid of her...

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  7. I feel like there's definitely something a little disturbing about setting out a week's outfits in advance. But what I do I know? I'm the person standing in the laundry room minutes before I have to leave for work hoping those extra few minutes in the dryer (that I forgot to start the night before) will take my clothes from full-on dampness to almost tolerable moistness.

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    1. Masked Mom: I love you for that dryer story. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me, only in my case I would have forgotten to put the clothes in the dryer in the first place. Thank you for siding with me against clothing preparedness!

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  8. I, too, can't stand "anything that’s binding, itchy, or too heavy." It's like you were in my head! I used to be a very in-style dresser, but since I gained weight, and worse at having become menopausal, I don't seem to care too much. It is not because I don't want to "look good," it is because I hate how I look in ANYTHING I put on. Sigh!

    So if I was thin and liking myself, Amiga, you would be terrified of me too...and hubby would be all over me like butter on toast! LOL!

    You had me cracking up here. Thank you. Once again you send me off to bed smiling and giggling. I LOVE you for that!

    Much love and BIG hugs,
    ~Virginia

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  9. Ha-ha-ha. You're cracking me up, too. I feel so uncomfortable in my clothes these days! I don't minding looking nice, but with the way my body changes daily, I try on something that felt comfy last week and this week it's a torture device. Glad you caught my desperate attempt at humor-- I can always rely on you to understand, my sweet!

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  10. Melanie, I left you a little something on my blog :)

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  11. There are probably a good dozen reasons why you should be afraid of me (crazy is contagious, you know)...but fashion sense and organization are NOT among them. Aw...who am I kidding, I'm a loveable wackadoodle, which outweighs the really creepy stuff. >;-}

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  12. Oh, honey, too late. I am crazy, too, not always delightfully so! So glad to hear you are not secretly laying out your clothes for weeks at a time. I love the word wackadoodle-- we need to do something with that word-- Wackadoodle Women of the World society?

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  13. We must create a Wackadoodle Club!

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  14. Ok, so your friend is a bit OCD.

    Fashion is a great pleasure of mine - dressing my body, not so much. It takes a lot of time and effort to find things that fit, flatter, and are within my budget - and I'm not a cheapskate. The key to looking good for me, other than finding well-fitting clothes, is accessories - a necklace and great shoes can make an outfit!

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