Friday, August 19, 2011

Murder by Menopause

Top 10 people, events, and things I almost committed murder over, even if I wasn't sure whom to murder.
Brought to you by menopause.

  1. the young lady in the supermarket who blocked the whole 2-cart-wide aisle while she debated interminably over potato chips and ignored me trying to push my cart down the aisle on a day I was exceedingly exhausted and did not want to be in the supermarket in the first place
  2. the hairy guy in the huge white pickup truck who flipped me the bird. Why, you ask? I had the audacity to signal I was going to make a left turn, causing him to have to slow down slightly for 3 seconds
  3. the pimple on my 54 year-old chin
  4. the neighbors behind me who have every square inch of their yard covered with plastic toys and swings and slides that their children never play with, but I have to look at every day. I know, I know, free country, blah, blah, blah.
  5. the person who does not respond to my smile and hello but walks by me like I'm invisible. I want to stick my leg out and trip her as she goes by with her nose in the air. Yes, are you amazed by my emotional maturity?
  6. the college students on my campus—COLLEGE STUDENTS-- who cough and hack and then with full p-tuie sound effects SPIT a huge wad of mucous out on the sidewalk just a few feet away from me and my sandal-clad feet. Isn't there an ordinance from about the year 1790 that says “don't spit on the sidewalk?” Am I wrong to expect common sense from anyone at any time?
  7. the same as above who spit their chewing gum on the sidewalk where in about 1,000 years it may finally decompose
  8. the same as above who bypass the convenient outside cigarette butt collectors, jauntily flipping their butts on the ground outside the doors to campus buildings where they will remain for 25 years or until someone making minimum wage comes along to sweep the butts up. Perhaps throwing their trash on the ground for another person to pick up is their way of putting America back to work?
  9. the girl talking on the cell phone in the bathroom stall who then leaves the bathroom without washing her hands. Was she raised by wolves? Sorry, wolves. Didn't mean to insult you.
  10. using the last pill in my pack of Prempro.
    Don't worry, my husband took my bullets away.


  1. Oh-my, but you had me in tears, I was laughing so hard. Thank you! There always seems to be someone here in my room for me to share your writings with. This time I read your blog with my mom. She was laughing too. So very cool!

    Yes, school is back in session, so I will keep you in my prayers. LOL! My sister is a teacher, and so you never know what to expect. Such is life!

    I really loved your list today, and I can so relate to everything you mention here. I, too, still get zits; I thought I was finished with that. Sigh!

    I am so very glad to see you writing. I think it helps us to keep it together. And I am so glad to have made your acquaintance.

    Take care, young Lady, and we'll stay in touch.


  2. I could probably come up with another 10 "murders" now, but I have given up whining for September. In October, I will return to "whine-fest." Thanks for the comment!